Monday, September 22, 2008
Waiting is HARD.
I received a comment yesterday that brought up a point that I have been meaning to post. While I don't know who you are, I want to thank you for reminding me to post about this touchy subject... waiting.
I want to start by saying that this blog is like a journal. It is like my adoption/family journal where I can put my thoughts. I realize that my blog has become so much more and I am glad that people follow this blog and enjoy reading it. I think that is awesome. However, I still feel the freedom to talk about my feelings and my desires. I am LONGING for Kate right now, and I'm sorry if you think that I am being un greatful for the GIFT of Kate that we have received. I am SO greatful. You have no idea how excited and thankful I am for my precious baby sister! I feel so blessed that we are in the home stretch of her adoption and I am so excited that she will be with us soon! However, we aren't quite at that point yet and for now, I am having a lot of difficulty WAITING.
My heart breaks for all of you going the NSN track and still waiting for a referral. Our original LID for AnnaClaire was 7/22/06. We have lots of friends with LIDs around that time and my heart just breaks for all of you enduring this long and painful wait. I realize it's hard and I think you are amazing people for sticking to a wait that could and is expected to go beyond three years. That takes a lot to put your life on hold for that long of a time and I applaud you for not giving up. However, there are many people that are called to adopt a child on the SN track. We, as a family, decided in early July 06 (before we were even LID) that AnnaClaire would come off of a SN list. That was not an easy descision, especially being first time adopters. However, we knew that was what God was calling us to do, just as he had called us to adopt TWO girls (that call came in October 2005). When AnnaClaire's referral came on July 25, 2006, we were faced with a really difficult decision because there were so many unknowns (as there are in any adoption.) However, in the end, we knew this was our baby girl and no matter what her SN was, we would do anything for her. We came to realize that if Mom birthed a child who had some SN, we would love her no matter what and do everything for her because she is our child. It is so obvious that AnnaClaire is the child that God intended to be a member of our family. We have no doubt about that. She is perfect for us, she is healthy, she is happy, and she is an AMAZING little girl. The wait for AnnaClaire was HARD. We waited close to 5 months from referral to gotcha day. It was an extremely hard 5 months. I felt the same way then that I do now. I longed for that day to hold my precious baby sister, just as I do now. Those 5 months went by so slowly. Every single day was hard. Finally we got her, and that wait has been erased. She is the joy of my life and I am thankful that God has placed her in our family. Shortly after our 6 month post placement, we filled out the application to adopt a second baby, Kate. We were on the SN list from the get-go and in June 2008, we received Kate's referral. Once again, we had to ask ourselves that question. We at once knew the answer was YES. No matter what happens, we KNEW that "Ling Xu Liu" was our Kate, just as we had known that "Chen Xun Hui" was our AnnaClaire!! For 3.5 months now, we have stared at every picture we have. It is so very hard to have these pictures and know who our precious Kate is yet have to wait for her. We have wondered what she is like. We have questioned when we will go. I realize that some day soon, it will be time. Some day soon, God will allow us to be with Kate. Not as fast as I would like, but it will happen some day soon. However, that doesn't make this wait any easier. It doesn't make the pain of waking up and being half a world away from your baby sister any easier. It doesn't make the fact that she was a 15 month old at referral and she will soon be 19 months old any easier. It is hard to wait. It's hard to wait no matter how long you wait for. 3 months is hard, 3 years is hard. I know... waiting is HARD. The wait is hard for ALL OF US, no matter where we are or what our situation is. We have been looking at Kate's sweet face for way longer than we should be looking at it. She should be here right now, but she's not. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do about that. I just have to wait. That is a hard thing to do. I am 15 years old and I am HUMAN. It is part of human nature to want things to happen NOW. I wish I didn't have to wake up every day wondering if this would be the day that xxx came, wondering when she would be in our arms. I wish I could go through a day of school without constantly wondering WHEN or HOW she is doing or WHAT she is like. Unfortunately, I'll just have to wait a little bit longer to know those things. All this to say, I want you to know that those waiting are in my prayers. No matter how long you have been logged in, no matter if you are adopting SN or NSN, no matter how long you have been waiting for the child that you have been gazing at for who knows how long. It's hard no matter how long. It's a painful thing to wait, yet it is something all of us in the adoption community must do. Some wait longer than others, but we all wait.
On another note, SN is a GREAT way to adopt. I know it's not for everyone, but there are so many needs that are so manageable. Some of those things you look at and wonder, "Why is that even a SN?" I realize that there are also many severe needs, but there are a lot of needs that could very easily be taken care of. I hope that you would consider and pray about adopting SN. Sometimes it takes the bold question of, "If I/Mom birthed a child with this need, would we love her/him and do everything we could to help her/him?" Our agency, alone, (AWAA) placed over 75 children off of the Shared List in the summer months (June, July, and August). It is a great program and while I don't expect every family to be open to every need, and I realize this program isn't for everyone, I challenge you to pray about considering a child with special needs.
Posted by Emily at 3:57 PM